Community Magazine April 2012

The Shaatra Files (shõ•trä) n . An outstanding homemaker [Arabic] File # 1367: Getting the kids out of Mommy’s Bed ESTHER ABOUD Maybe it began when they were sick or had a nightmare, but the nightly visits soon became almost a regular practice and much too frequent for my liking. I was determined to put an end to this habit and create a regular routine where children would stay in their own beds for 12 consecutive hours. After asking a number of shaatra mothers who had been through this challenge, I came up with the following tips and techniques: Downgrade the Accommodations It’s best not to allow the children into your bed at all when they should be in their own. But if a child is not feeling well, or for circumstances when they need to be monitored, set up a small space on a couch, crib mattress or even a sleeping bag on the floor. This will not only allow you to keep your space, it will also minimize the glamour of the experience for the future. Drag Yourself Out of Bed Children seem to always know exactly when you’re finally relaxed, and then cry or call you to come at that very moment. Resist the lazy option of allowing them into your room. Instead, get up and attend to their needs and put them back into their own beds. It may be hard initially, but it’s well worth the good night’s sleep you’ll gain from having the bed all to yourself. Make Their Bed Better Than Yours Advanced cases, where the kids are already in the habit of going to sleep each night in your bed, will take extra determination. If they are old enough, discuss with them well in advance of bedtime that everyone will be sleeping in their own beds from now on. Then work with them to make their beds comfortable and inviting. It may even be worth giving up your own covers, pillows, and linens if they are used to these already and it will make them feel at ease. Bedtime Should be Fun Aside from comfort, it helps to make the kids’ beds especially appealing. You can create with them a decorative pillow that only stays in their bed, or buy a cuddly doll for them to sleep with – one which is not allowed out of the bed. Also try to make the decor attractive and fun. If they find their bedroom and bed a place they want to be, they will argue less about bedtime. Set a Routine The preparations for bed – bath, tooth brushing, pajamas, etc. – as well as the in-bed practices – saying shema , reading a story, etc. – should be a nightly routine. The normalcy of these habits will relax the child, help him or her wind down and fall asleep faster. Charts and Incentives Charts can be great motivators – as long as the ultimate prize is more appealing to the child than your bed. When your child comes to your room at 3am, you can ask, “Do you want to sleep on the floor, or would you rather go back to your room and get a sticker on the chart so you can get your prize soon?” If he thinks the prize is good enough, he’ll go back to bed and you’ll be able to break the habit slowly but surely. Of course, as with any parenting advice, the key to success is consistency. Don’t let your exhaustion, or your child’s excuses, side-track you. Stay in control, keep focused on your goal, and remember that if you stick to the rules it won’t be long before you and your child are back to enjoying a full and comfortable night’s sleep. READER TIPS I get into bed an hour earlier than I would have before I had children so that when they wake up during the night, I have the energy to deal with it. E. T. W e started locking our door every night. At first the kids got hysterical when they faced a locked door, but then they learned that you can’t just enter daddy and mommy’s room anytime. It also forced me out of bed to see what they wanted and deal with it quickly. C. B T o transition our son to a regular bed, we put him to sleep in the toddler bed and then moved him in the middle of the night to the bigger bed. It was very exciting for him to wake up in a “big boy bed” each morning. After about two weeks, he was enthusiastic about going into his new bed and he stays there all night. N. S tto F rom when they are only a few months old, try to limit the children’s time in your bed in the morning to 10 minutes or less. Then, playfully carry them back to their own bed so they know that there’s no sleeping in mommy’s bed. Raquel B uj L ike most parents, I don’t encourage my children to come to my bed at night. It’s hard to sleep well with little intruders, and few moms appreciate being’ ousted from their personal space by tot-sized elbows and legs sprawled out in every direction (why is it that little kids suddenly seem as if they are 6 feet tall when they come into your bed?). Yet somehow, under our noses (or right in front of our sealed-shut eyes) the kids started becoming regular visitors to our bedroom. 80 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE