Community Magazine April 2012

102 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE SINGLED OUT A Jewish man passing through Texas in the 1850s for a short stay on business checked into the local inn at a “frontier town.” Not to be conspicuous, he dressed in classic Western attire and went into the only saloon in town to order a beer. The saloon was full of men in cowboy clothes, wearing six- shooters and looking very gruff. As he sipped his beer, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, Bubba, the biggest, burliest, surliest looking fellow in the whole town walked in and bellowed, “Ah hears there is a Jew in here!” The Jewish man cringed and kept quiet. “Ah know you’re in here and you better speak up,” Bubba proclaimed. Feeling that everyone was staring at him, the Jewish man couldn’t take it anymore, and so he stood up proudly and announced, “I am a Jew!” The cowboy stared at the Jew angrily and shouted, “What are you hiding for?” Speechless, the Jewish man looked to the exit. But it was too late, Bubba had already grabbed his arm saying, “I’m gonna need you to step outside with me.” Just then, Big Jake, an even tougher looking fellow, walked into the saloon and suddenly everyone became quiet. “Hey Bubba,” Big Jake asked as he squinted his eyes directly at the Jewish man, who was already saying his last prayers, “did you find the tenth man for our minyen yet?” Hymie Dweck GEORGE OF MONGOLIA When George decided to join a remote monastery in Mongolia, the monk said to him, “This is a silent sanctuary. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.” George lived in the monastery for five years, and then one day the monk said to him, “George, you may now speak two words.” George said, “Hard bed.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” the monk said. “We will see about getting you a better bed.” After another five years, George was again summoned by the monk. “You may say another two words, George.” “Cold food,” said George. The monk assured him that the food would be better in the future. On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the monk again called George to his office. “You may say two words today.” “I quit,” said George. “It’s probably best,” said the monk, “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.” Rosette A. THE CORNIEST JOKE Q: Where is a corn’s favorite place to go? A: The cornival! David Isaac Ades BEYOND A BRIBE At the start of a court case, the judge banged his gavel to get everyone’s attention and in a loud commanding voice stated: “It is my duty as the judge in this case to disclose that last week, the plaintiff sent me an envelope with $10,000 in cash to find in his favor.” The plaintiff gasped. “Then, two days later,” the judge continued, “I received $20,000 from the defendant to find in his favor.” By now both the plaintiff and defendant had turned beet red. stunned, they awaited the judge’s next remarks. “I have therefore decided to return $10,000 back to the defendant so I can try the case without bias.” Sarah Dweck A RABBI’S WARNING A rabbi was waiting on line at his local bank when a hippy- looking bearded young man joined the line just behind him. The man was holding a leather briefcase and the rabbi immediately noticed that one of the fasteners on the man’s briefcase was undone and the other fastener looked like it was going to burst open at any moment, so he turned to the man and said, “If you’re not careful you’re going to lose the contents of your briefcase.” Just then, the briefcase burst open scattering papers all over the floor. The man dropped to the floor, held his hands together and stared at the rabbi with fear in his eyes and said, “I promise to repent. But please tell me how on earth did you do that?” Ike Shasho THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE