Community Magazine January 2012

88 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE tRaffic stOp tRuth During a random stop outside San Diego, a state trooper pulled over a car and congratulated the driver for wearing a seatbelt. Without thinking, the man thanked the policeman and added, “I’ve been wearing a seatbelt ever since my driver’s license was suspended.” His wife in the front passenger seat heard his response and shouted, “Oh, for goodness sake, officer, don’t listen to him, he always talks nonsense when he’s drunk.” The commotion woke up their friend in the back seat. He saw the officer and screamed to the couple, “I told you we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.” Then, they heard banging from the trunk followed by a voice, “Ay amigos , did we cross the border yet?” D. Sitt MasteR Of his dOMaiN One day in heaven, all the men were gathered together and told to form two lines, one for men who were in charge of their households, and the other for men whose wives were in charge. The line of men whose wives were in charge stretched 100 miles long, and the other line had just one man, Morris. All eyes turned to this sole husband. All the other men wanted to learn the secret to being in charge of his own household. Morris stared back at them all, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Don’t look at me, my wife just told me to stand here.” Michael Levy a MaGicaL MOMeNt Two brothers, Steven and Lee, are sitting on a fishing boat, sipping beers one cool spring afternoon. After taking a gulp of beer, Steven blurts out suddenly, “I love you,” breaking the calm silence. “Hey man, tell me, is that you or the beer talking?” Lee asks jokingly. “It’s me, of course,” Steven replies in all innocence, “talking to the beer.” Abhu Cohen GeNdeR ecONOMics Penny: What is the difference between men and government bonds? Pamela: I don’t know, what? Penny: At some point, bonds end up maturing. Shella Y. a QuestiON Of JudGMeNt Mike was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he answered truthfully, “No.” The next question, intended for people who had answered “Yes” to the last one, was “Why?” Mike answered it anyway: “Never got caught.” A. N. the OLd daYs Grandma Edna was sitting with her young granddaughter on the sofa, telling her about what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl listened to her Grandma wide-eyed, taking it all in. At last she said, “Wow Grandma! Sounds amazing, I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” Eddie Gindi\ the MORe the MeRRieR Ahmed came home one day and called out to his three wives saying, “Listen up, I invited a friend home for dinner.” “What? Are you crazy?” Subha scolded him. “The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and no one is cooking you and your friend a fancy meal!” Fatima added. “I know all that,” Ahmed said. “Then, why did you invite your friend?” Imani demanded. “Because,” Ahmed explained, “the poor dib is thinking about marrying your sisters.” Shmuel Lalehfar THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE