Community Magazine October 2010

Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask ito 64 Community magazine Dear Sito, My 15-year-old daughter always has a negative comment to say. “I’m so fat,” “I have so many pimples,” and “It’s boring” are typical of the kind of comments that come out of her mouth on an hourly basis. The problem is really stemming from her friends, who are also always talking negatively. They are good, kind girls, but they don’t have a positive self esteem and outlook. How can I help my daughter get out of this rut? Signed, A Positive Parent Dear Positive Parent Of all the ages I have been, I distinctly remember 15 as not one of my favorites. At 15 there are so many changes going on, both physically and emotionally, that life always seems stressful and chaotic. Most female 15-year-olds are dissatisfied with some aspect of their physical appearance. (Some 45-year-olds, as well…) In spite of your worries, what your daughter is experiencing is a common and normal phase that she will likely soon outgrow. We all want our children to always feel good about themselves, to be creative in how they spend their time, and to not complain, and most parents believe that to counteract this they must be overly positive and reassuring. In my experience, however, this doesn’t work with teenagers, because the more positive we try to be, the more annoyed and negative they become. When your daughter complains, ask her what she would like to do about her complaint – without offering advice. For example, if she complains about being fat, don’t offer an elaborate diet and exercise plan to help her lose weight. Simply ask her if she wants to do anything about it. And don’t tell her, “You are not fat,” because she will work that much harder to convince you that she is and make herself feel worse in the process. Dear Working with Slouches, I get the sense that in your job, time is of the essence and in a pinch, getting the job done on time can override the need for top quality work. The problem is that once the standard is allowed to drop without consequences, it is very difficult to get it back up to ideal levels. Also, if employees don’t understand why sometimes it is ok to do a less than perfect job, or even what is considered a perfect job, then they may come to resent what might seem to them like arbitrary standards. You can try to counteract this tendency by making a clear connection between their performance, and the corresponding rewards or penalties. Rewards range from the obvious, such as the financial compensation of a paycheck or bonus, to the less tangible, though critically important, emotional honors, such as praise and recognition. At the opposite end of the spectrum, penalties would include demotions, financial loss and even firing. But you can’t manage what you can’t measure. So perhaps most importantly, you need to establish measures of quality and performance. Create a written set of standards that is universal for every job that needs to be completed so employees will know what is expected of them. Create a mechanism whereby, when they have been successful, they automatically receive a reward, and when they have been lax, a penalty. When you need to relax the standards temporarily to stay on schedule, make it clear that the exception only applies to the work you specify. Of course, there’s more to management than just setting policies. You may want to pick up some recommended books on the subject to be sure that your own work as a manager is meeting the same level of excellence you expect from your employees. All the best, Sito Dear Sito I work for an office in which my position is to direct some of the other workers to ensure that the entire operation is successfully completed. I naturally try to be organized and efficient and have everyone do the job properly and in a timely manner. When the need arises, I have the power to allow the work to be done a little less than perfect to ensure that we don’t get behind schedule. This is not my ideal choice, but I can do it when necessary. Some of the workers, having seen that they can get away with slacking off, have started becoming more lax and don’t listen to my request to work more efficiently. How can I effectively change the atmosphere and attitude in the office without getting them fired? Signed, Working With Slouches ASK SITO! MAIL: 1616Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 EMAIL: sito@CommunityM.com WEB: www.CommunityM.com FAX: 718-504-4246