Community Magazine December 2009

i nsights into education Need #1 – Survival: “The need to survive, although primarily physical, takes on a psychological component: the need for order and security in our lives,” Erwin states. In order for children to feel safe, daily schedules such as morning routines, homework, and bedtime, should be maintained. I know a family that holds periodic job meetings. They discuss what needs to be done and how and when to do it. Based on each child’s preferences and capabilities, they choose their jobs. Because they see their chores as an essential contribution to the family’s management, the children have a strong sense of pride and team spirit. You may want to create a schedule or job checklist for your children to follow. When children feel in control of their routine, they are more likely to adhere to it. To further nurture a sense of security, be consistent and predictable in the consequences of when a child misbehaves. Need #2 – Love & Belonging: Humans are social beings with a need to be loved and to have a sense of belonging. Your child should feel that you have a special love for him/her. Make the time to talk to each child privately. In a large family, each child could schedule an “appointment” with his/her mother for a cherished tete-a-tete. Keep your child’s secrets and never refer back to confidentially revealed information in a derogatory way. Need #3 – Power: Children feel empowered when they see themselves growing and developing skills and knowledge. Supervise your children’s work and make sure they are completing tasks correctly. This accountability will be a measure of their success. When they do well, their inner voice will say, “Yes I can!” and build a sense of satisfaction and confidence. You can also help children feel responsible for their spiritual growth. Help them decide how to spend their spare time. Involve them in missvot such as helping others or saying Tehillim. Encourage creativity by getting books and supplies on subjects of interest. Need #4 – Freedom: Give your children the opportunity to make choices. Then allow them the freedom to make mistakes. By testing the waters themselves, they will learn not to be afraid and to trust their judgment. Believe in them and they will believe in themselves. Encourage them to try their hand at new tasks, whether it is baking, a school project, or running a playgroup for the neighbor’s children. Be there if they ask for guidance, and cheer them on. I remember wanting to make an ice cream cone costume for a Purim party. After I spent days coloring a sheet of card board, I came to the conclusion that I won’t be able to sit while wearing the costume. I abandoned the project but gained a powerful lesson – think a project through to the end. Need #5 – Fun: Play inspires creativity and reduces stress. Fun is essential for learning! Create a happy environment in your home. Sing silly ditties when working together. See the humor in situations. Laugh! Celebrate everyday events. Take a child on an errand and enjoy the time with him or her. I can still remember how my father a.h. made an adventure out of going to the store by telling to me his version of “Stone Soup.” Delight in life! Take the time to crunch the leaves, play with the snow, smell the flowers and blow bubbles. Shower your children with smiles, hugs and giggles and create happy memories together. Nurturing the Needs – Long-Term Effects: It is important for parents to recognize these basic needs in order to motivate their children to achieve to the very best of their ability. Parents that nurture these five essential needs raise children who are confident and secure within themselves. These children trust their parents and forge a strong bond with them, without compromising their space and independence. This healthy balance enables them to form and maintain relationships and make responsible choices as they mature into confident capable adults. H ow can we create an environment that is favorable for success? What are the factors that motivate us to work hard and accomplish? Jonathan C. Erwin, author of The Classroom of Choice: Giving StudentsWhat They Need and GettingWhat YouWant said, “Internal motivation guides all human behavior.” More specifically, William Glasser of the William Glasser Institute identified five basic needs that control our behavior, and noted that when people have these needs met, they feel an inner drive to succeed. MIRIAM ZUKERMAN How to motivate your child to achieve above and beyond expectations 92 Community magazine