Community Magazine December 2009

Lighter SIDE THE lonG tiMe, no see David bumped into somebody on the street who looked like his old friend Jack. “Jack,” he said, “you’ve put on weight and your hair has turned gray. You seem a few inches shorter than I recall and your cheeks are puffy. Plus, you’re walking differently and even sound different. Jack, what happened to you?” “Excuse me, sir,” the other gentleman replied, looking quite annoyed. He then turned his back on David and began walking away. “Oh, come on, Jack,” David said. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” Turning around the other gentleman responded irritably, “My name is not Jack!” “Wow!” David said as he paused for a moment. “You even changed your name.” Chanch E. LooLoo Medical Mystery Joe came into the doctor’s office for a checkup. Climbing on the small step in the exam room, Joe got up onto the examination table. But with each stage of the checkup, the doctor shook his head, clucked his tongue and made extensive notes in his chart. Finally, at the end of the physical, the doctor motioned to Joe to rise from the table. Not sure where the step was, Joe asked “Doc, how do I stand up?” Looking over at Joe the doctor quickly replied, “That’s exactly what I can’t figure out.” Jack V. Grazi siGHt seeinG Sam walked into the Museum of Natural History with his guide dog. Though unable to see, he could feel the aura generated by the quiet atmosphere, marble floors and impressive exhibits. Suddenly, Sam stopped, yanked the leash and began swinging the dog over his head. The manager was quickly alerted and came running over. “Stop that right now!” he shouted. “What do you think you are doing?” Sam replied innocently, “Just looking around.” Ezra Sultan dad’s adVice Phil was exhausted. His wife had just given birth and he had to watch their three older children for a few days. Although it was only for two hours a day, Phil was at his wits’ end and he had a splitting headache. Looking for some relief, he brought the kids over to his parents’ home for a visit. As soon as his father saw him, he noticed his poor condition. “Phil, you look terrible,” he observed. “Why don’t I get you some aspirin?” “No thanks, Dad,” Phil replied. “I just took two aspirins.” “Well, it seems you didn’t follow the instructions,” his father said. Dad brought Phil a bottle and showed him the small print: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.” Tutu Mulu tHe sPecialist Sharon walked into the doctor’s office expecting him to immediately diagnose her aches and pains. The doctor completed a thorough check but could find nothing wrong. “What seems to be the trouble?” he asked. “What is hurting you?” “What kind of question is that?” Sharon responded incredulously. “Can’t you see from my fatigued look that I’m sick as a dog?” “Ah, yes, I see that now,” the doctor acknowledged. “Based on your symptoms, I am going to recommend that you see a specialist right away.” “What kind of specialist are you sending me to see?” Sharon asked worriedly. “Why, a veterinarian, of course.” Yair Lax HealtH concerns After my daily jog to work, I found a colleague standing outside our building, puffing on a cigarette. Seeing that I was out of breath, she became concerned and asked me, ‘Just how far away did you park?” Abhu Cohen soMetHinG to Be tHankful for At a social gathering at a senior home, the director was trying to involve the residents with a round table discussion about something they are thankful for. When it was Grandma Darla’s turn, she expressively shared, “I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries and a hip replacement, and fought colon cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take nine different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I also have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore and can’t remember if I’m 89 or 98. “But... I sure am thankful that I still have my driver’s license.” H. Hannah Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 106 COMMUNITY MAGAzINE