Community Magazine November 2009

Lighter SIDE THE THE UNHAPPY VERDICT The evidence that John was guilty seemed clear and the jurors had only deliberated for a few minutes before coming out with a verdict. As the jury foreman read the decision, few in the courtroom could believe it. The impossible happened, John was found innocent and free to go! As everyone prepared to leave the courthouse, John’s lawyer turned to his sad looking client and asked, “Johnny, what’s wrong? I can’t believe you look so grim. You were just saved from spending three to five years in prison!” “I know,” said John, “I really didn’t think we would win the case.” “So what’s the problem?” the lawyer asked curiously. “See that nice little Danish couple there?” John said as he pointed to the back of the court room. “Yes,” the lawyer replied. “Well, this morning I rented out my apartment to them for the next two years!” Jack V. Grazi THE PRICE IS RIGHT Freddie bought a new fridge and put his old fridge in his front yard with a big sign: “Free. Good Condition. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without anyone showing a bit of interest. So he decided to try something else. He changed the sign to read: “Fridge for sale, only $50.” The next day someone stole it! Eddie Gindi GETTING NAILED Years ago, Mahmoud and Moamar worked together in construction. One day, the pair was assigned to work on a roof pounding nails to put up joist beams on a house. As they began, Mahmoud picked up a nail, looked at it carefully, and threw it away. Then, he picked up another nail, looked at it carefully, and again threw it away. This repeated five or six times until he finally found a nail that he wanted to hammer into the roof. Curious, Moamar asked, “Why’d you throw out those other nails?” “Those nails were unfit for use,” Mahmoud responded. “Why?” Moamar asked, “they looked fine to me.” “No,” Mahmous said, “they were defective, the tip was on the top and the head was on the bottom. The nail company made them upside down!” Moamar thought for a second and said, “You dimwit! You shouldn’t throw those out… we can use them for the ceiling!” Linda Dayan MOVING ON UP Alfred: Did you end up renting the apartment to Mr. Johnson? Nathan: No, I was a little bit worried after I contacted his previous place of residence. Alfred: I thought he lived in the same place for the last 10 years and was leaving on good terms? Nathan: That’s true. Alfred: So what’s the problem? Nathan: He’d still be there if the parole board hadn’t granted him an early release. Chanch E. LooLoo HEROISM MAKES HEADLINES A young family was enjoying an outing at the local community zoo. Little four-year- old Cathy, excited over the panda bear, was leaning into the cage, pointing and calling to the bear. Then suddenly, without warning, the hungry looking bear leaped up, grabbed the cuff of her jacket, and tried to pull her inside. At that moment, a biker happened to ride by, and, upon seeing the situation, ran to the cage and hit the bear square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the bear jumped back and let go of the girl. The biker then took young Cathy to her terrified parents, who thanked him endlessly. A reporter saw the whole scene and was extremely impressed. He went right up to the biker and said, “Sir, this was the most heroic and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.” “Why, it was nothing,” said the biker. “The bear was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt anyone would.” “I noticed a patch on your jacket,” said the journalist. “Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club,” the biker replied. “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed... I’m a journalist with the Times, you know, and tomorrow’s papers will have this story on the front page.” The next morning, the biker bought the paper to see if indeed he made headlines. Sure enough, the front page read: “Israeli Gang Member Assaults Chinese Immigrant and Steals His Lunch.” A. N. Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 88 Community magazine