Community Magazine November 2009

File #1254: Supermom The Shaatra Files (shõ•trä) n . An outstanding homemaker [Arabic] RACHEL DAYAN S he races through her errands faster than a speeding bullet; leaps at hesed opportunities in a single bound; she’s a chef, she’s a PTA leader…she’s SuperMom (and super tired). We would all love to be perfect, but perfection is more than a little overrated, especially when it involves a lively family and a busy schedule. Sometimes, in an effort to be all and do all, we take on more than we can (or should) handle. If your superhero costume is starting to get frayed from overuse, perhaps it’s time to toss it, and get off the speeding train. Maybe, you’ll actually have some time to stop and smell the roses. Lowering the Bar Sometimes, we’re our own worst enemies, making life harder than it has to be. We have ridiculously inflated expectations: the house has to be guest worthy at every moment; your two-year-old’s party has to be an extravaganza; your dinners have to be gourmet (and that’s just for your husband because the young ones would never touch that fancy stuff); the kids have to look runway ready even just for school; and the list goes on. Maybe it’s time to adjust (dare I say, lower?) the bar, allowing yourself to aim for less than perfection in every aspect. Letting the kids pour dinner from a box when you’re desperate, or not coordinating the hair bow to the tights to the shoes once in a while is not a crime. Think about the details that seem to make your life overly complicated, decide if it’s really a priority, peer pressure, or just your obsessive- compulsive side coming out to say hello. Priority One If your to-do list gets you feeling hopeless, it’s time to rewrite it and prioritize. Have two separate lists: one for “today” and the other for “whenever.” The former is filled with urgent needs, like shopping, tailor, fix watch, etc., while the latter would read something like, “print pictures, buy new garbage can, find bar missva outfit.” When you finish the pressing needs, you have the leisure to look through “List B” and decide what to do next. But, sometimes even “today’s” list is too much. That’s where being organized comes in. Sitting down for a few minutes a week to plan menus and goals will whittle down the list considerably. It helps avoid unnecessary errands and repeated trips to the same places. The Magic Word Get out of stressful, time consuming, extra obligations by just saying “no.” When you have a full plate, don’t be embarrassed to refuse a request. Coat your refusalwith a little sugar if necessary, but resist the urge to say, “Yes”. Your children don’t need a stressed mother who does favors for everyone else but is too exhausted to tend to their needs. And, even if you may be meeting all their physical needs, you may not be giving them enough attention, or being the calm, sane mother they need. Me First Face it, if you don’t schedule time for yourself, no one else will. Your kids are not dragging you to a manicure, nor is your husband sending you out for lunch with your friends. Remember that by taking care of yourself and doing something you enjoy, you will function better as a mother. (Hopefully, you enjoy something like exercise or shopping so that you’ll accomplish two goals at the same time.) However you manage it, don’t consider yourself selfish if you pull a disappearing act once in a while. Sure it’s always family first, but you’re also family. Life Goes On As you may have come to realize, the dishes will always be dirty, the clothes hamper will always be full and the kids have lots more whining and fighting to do. So instead of clenching your jaw and popping Tylenol for the inevitable headache, try changing your whole approach to the child-rearing- housekeeping business. Don’t let the things you didn’t accomplish get you down. Make a little “I did it” list for those items you’ve tackled and give yourself a pat on the back. Realize that the kids crave your attention more than fancy meals and a spotless house, and make an effort to refocus your energy towards that goal. No Speed Zone When productivity becomes the ultimate goal at home, important things get pushed to the sidelines. There is no time to discuss with your daughter what she learned that day; you simply help her do her homework, as fast as you both can. For some of us, it’s always about doing more and doing it faster. But what’s the point of being able to cross everything off your list, if your ultimate goal of being a great mom is unfulfilled because you haven’t had a moment to connect with the kids? The more you dial down the household stress, the happier and healthier everyone will be. Try to make every day with your family a stroll, not a race and you’ll find the ride much more enjoyable. READER TIPS I ’ve found that my company prefers I don’t fuss when they come. They’re uncomfortable when I work myself to the bone to prepare the food and house to perfection. Lea C. I love to do a lot, but my barometer of when I need to cut back is my stress level. If I’m nervous or tense with my family, I try to do less because I want to be a happy mother. Mi ia D. W ith a lot of little kids, my new motto is “Good is Good enough”. Although I amnaturally a perfectionist, I don’t allow myself to be particular with everything. It’s how I stay sane. S a Jema Send your tips for next month’s subject: Food Allergies 101 to: shaatra@community m . com 54 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE