Community Magazine October 2009

96 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Lighter SIDE THE THE SECURITY PARADOX A security agent was questioning passengers checking their bags. When he got to Susan, he asked, “Has anyone put anything in your bags without your knowledge?” Susan replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” The agent smiled knowingly, and said. “That’s why we ask.” Ed Gindi ACCOMMODATING AIRLINE On a flight from Atlanta, a well attired, middle-aged woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a kippa . She called the attendant over to complain about her seating. “You’ve sat me next to a Jew!” she said angrily. “I can’t possibly sit next to this strange man. Find me another seat at!” “Madam,” the attendant replied, “the flight is virtually full, but I’ll see if I can find another seat.” The woman glanced at the snubbed Jewish man beside her and waited. A few minutes later, the attendant returned and said, “Madam, the economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in first class.” Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued, “It is only on exceptions that we make this kind of upgrade, and I had to ask permission from the captain. But, given the circum- stances, the captain felt that no one should be forced to sit next to such an unpleasant person...” The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: “So if you’d like to get your things, Sir, I have a comfort- able seat for you in first class...” D. H. ROGER THAT Four classic flight tower exchanges: 1 While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground control- ler lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where in the world are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. Is it so difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D?” Continuing in her fit of rage, she shouted hysterically: “Heavens! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?” “Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then, an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?” 2 Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles.” Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We all have digital watches!” 3 Tower: “American 2341, turn right 45 degrees.” American 2341: “Center, please advise the purpose of the course correction.” Tower: “American 2341 consider that turn for noise abatement” American 2341: “We are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?” Tower: “Captain, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?” 4 A student became lost dur- ing a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your last known position?” Student: “When I was number one for takeoff.” Abhu Cohen AIRHEAD SAVINGS Ruth, a travel agent, took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two to Colorado. When Ruth quoted him $59 per ticket, he wasn’t happy with the price. “I want the $49 fare I saw adver- tised,” he insisted. After much searching, Ruth finally managed to find two seats on a 6am flight. “I’ll take it,” he said. But he then expressed his concerns that his wife might not like the early hour. “Well you’d better tell me for cer- tain,” Ruth warned him. “There is a $25 cancellation fee for each ticket if you change the reserva- tion.” “Oh, that’s no problem,” he said dismissively. “What’s 50 bucks?” Jack V. Grazi Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223