Community Magazine September 2009

118 CoMMUniTy MagazinE Lighter SIDE THE ride of a lifetiMe Stumpy went to the State Fair each year with the company field trip. Every year, Stumpy would say, “I’d sure like to ride in that airplane.” And his boss would always reply, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” Finally, one year, Stumpy insisted. “Look boss, I’m 64 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.” His boss replied, “Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” The pilot overheard the two men arguing and said, “Folks, I know this ride is worth the money. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet the entire time and not say one word, I won’t charge you a cent, but if you say one word, it’s ten dollars.” Stumpy and his boss agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of dazzling twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He repeated all his tricks, but still not a word. Finally, the plane landed and the pilot turned around to Stumpy. “By golly,” he blurted, “I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.” Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when the boss fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.” M.Gindi Japanese recession Japanese banks have been hit almost as hard as American banks. The Origami Bank has folded, and we hear the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up, too. Bonsai Bank plans to cut some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report there is some- thing fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where workers fear they may get a raw deal. Jack V. Grazi pHysics lesson We had to have our garage door repaired. The repairman came and told us that one of our problems was that we did not have the correct size motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest motor that Sears made at that time, a half horsepower. He shook his head and said, “No, you need a quarter horsepower.” Confused, I pointed out that a half horsepower motor should be able to lift anything that quarter horsepower motor could. The repair man chuckled a bit and knowingly began writing numbers on a piece of paper that looked like the beginnings of a calculation. “Let me show something,” he said. Nervous that I wouldn’t under- stand a complicated equation, I tried hard to concentrate. “You see,” he explained as he pointed to the ¼ and ½ he just wrote, “four is larger than two...” Ed Gindi tHe Most iMportant JoB of all An architect, a surgeon and an economist were arguing over which of them holds the most prominent position. The surgeon said, “The very first thing Gd did after creating man was surgery. In a miraculous ‘operation’, He extracted Eve from Adam’s rib. This shows that surgeons are the most important.” “Now wait just a minute,” the architect objected, “before Gd even created man, He was first and foremost, an architect. He conceived a perfectly balanced world in six days out of total chaos.” The architect and the surgeon then turned their attention to the economist who smiled as he asked, “And who do you think was responsible for the chaos?” Bracha Elyas a priVate’s pitcH Impressed by how well Private Jones was getting recruits to sign up for GI Insurance, the captain listened in on his sales pitch. “If you have insurance and are killed in battle, the government pays $50,000 to your benefi- ciaries,” Jones explained. “If you don’t have insurance and get killed, the government pays nothing. Now,” he concluded, “who do you think gets sent into battle first?” Abhu Cohen Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 THE AMERICAN WORKFORCE Pablo Human Resources Manager Marketing Manager Logistics Manager Communications Manager Security Manager IT Manager Compliance Supervisor Project Manager PR Manager Customer Service Manager