Community Magazine July 2009

Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask ito 100 Community magazine Dear Sito, There is talk that our neighborhood will get a new charter school which will also offer a Talmud Torah after regular sessions. A friend of mine, who is having trouble making tuition payments, is very excited about the idea and is trying to convince me to send my kids (two of whom who are the same age as her kids) to the new school also. The concept sounds interesting and the price of the Talmud Torah is less than a quarter of the tuition we are billed for now (we are not having an easy time with tuition ourselves). What is your advice about this? Should I support my friend and send my kids to the new school, or should I stick it out and struggle with tuition payments? Signed, Uncertain About Education Dear Uncertain About Education, Tough economic times always challenge us in terms of our financial priorities, and the idea of educating our children for a fraction of a yeshiva tuition is tempting, to say the least. The decision for your children, as in anything you decide for them, should be made based on what is best for them and you as a family, not based on what your friend needs or wants. Supporting a friend should never come at the expense of your children’s education and future. While the concept of a charter school is enticing, we must look carefully at the current proposal. A Talmud Torah education after school is a throwback to the time when Sito was a young girl and practically the whole community attended public school. When I compare my Judaic knowledge to those of young women today and even young children today, I find I am sorely lacking. Talmud Torah is at best a cursory attempt to educate the children with only the most rudimentary Jewish principles. Although in the past only the boys were sent to Talmud Torah (my sisters and I received at-home instruction from our dear mother), these days it is more important than ever that all children receive an in-depth Jewish education with Torah, halacha, hashkafa (Jewish outlook) and more. It is doubtful that in a few short hours of study each day a Talmud Torah can produce the kind of advanced scholastic achievement in religious studies that have become the standard in our yeshivot. Furthermore, and perhaps most of all, yeshivot today are focusing on producing young men and women with fine character traits and attitudes which are in keeping with our community’s illustrious heritage. In the charter school environment proposed, the law would require free admittance to every element of society, and classroom instruction would be devoid of any reference to Torah. In such an environment, it would be impossible to even come close to the standards of our yeshivot in the area of character development as a Jew. For many parents, much of the purpose of a yeshiva education is predicated on the eventuality that at some point our children will become exposed to corrupt messages, foreign ideas and various elements of assimilation that are not in line with the moral and ethical codes of Judaism. The most powerful way for us to help our children resist these temptations is to fill their formidable younger years with a consistent, traditional program that adheres to our values and follows a formula that has proven to be effective for several generations. This objective would be lost with a charter school. It is clear that the heavy burden of today’s tuition fees are causing parents to look at alternatives – even if they are less-than-ideal. But before jumping to an extreme non-yeshiva option, consider first some of the many smaller yeshivot in our community which are cropping up lately. Tuition in these finely-run institutions are often a fraction of what the mainstream schools require. Yet they pose none of the same dangers as a charter school. As for the idea of a government funded secular education program, perhaps one day there will be a proposal which does not compromise the development of our children. If and when that day comes, our community’s rabbis and leaders will certainly embrace the opportunity. Until then, it is our responsibility not to compromise on our children’s development and future at any price. All the best, Sito Dear Sito, I have been dating a guy for the past eight months. Over the course of our relationship, we have both grown from each other in terms of religious commitment, and I have developed strong feelings for him. Recently, he went to Israel to learn, and I was glad to see his interests in learning Torah. We agreed to take a break from one another during this year, and to try, despite the difficulty, to talk as little as once a month, realizing that this was in the best interests of both of us. However, as they say, “talk is cheap.” Before we knew it, we were talking to each other almost every night despite the long-distance relationship. The problem is that I am now considered eligible for dating, but the guy back in Israel in holding me back. Should I wait for him to come back? But… what if he’s not ready to get married by then? What if I wait for him to return and in the end realize that it was a big mistake? What do you suggest I do? Signed, Disheartened by Distance Dear Disheartened by Distance , Wouldn’t life’s decisions be so much easier if we had a crystal ball to illuminate the future? Unfortunately, we don’t always have