Community Magazine June 2009

112 Community magazine Lighter SIDE THE Hard of HearinG A “holy man” was in town and people were lining up to get his blessing. “What is your need?” the holy man asked Roger. “I need you to please pray for my hearing,” he humbly replied. With an understanding nod, the holy man put one hand in Roger’s ear and the other hand on top of his head, and recited some prayers. When he was done, he removed his hands and asked loudly, “How’s your hear- ing now?” “I don’t know,” Roger replied. “It’s not until next Friday, at the Kings County Courthouse!” Sammy A. a sure Cure After suffering from a miserable cold for a week, Jeff visited his doctor and begged for relief. The doctor prescribed a pill, but it didn’t work. A week later, Jeff returned to the doctor, who gave him a shot. With no improvement in his condition and sicker than ever, Jeff visited the doctor a third time and said, “I’ve tried two medications you prescribed so far and neither of them helped. So before you try another treatment, you had better be sure it’s the right one.”. “Okay then, this is what I want you to do,” the doctor said. “Go home and take a hot bath. Then throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.” “But I’ll get pneumonia!” protested Jeff. “Exactly,” the doctor answered, “that I know how to treat!” Abhu Cohen an older mom With the help of advanced medi- cal technology, Sally had a baby at age 79. Excited about the good news, her friend Deborah came to visit. “May I see the new baby?” Deborah asked. “Not yet,” Sally replied. “I’ll make coffee and then we can go see him.” Thirty minutes later, Deborah again asked, “May I see the new baby now?” “No, not yet,” Sally said. After another few minutes had elapsed, Deborah glanced at her watch, and realized it was soon time for her to go. Again she asked, “May I see the baby now?” “No, not yet,” Sally replied. Growing impatient, Deborah asked, “Well, when can I see the baby?” “When he cries,” Sally said. “When he cries!? Why do I have to wait for that?” Deborah demanded. “Because I forgot where I put him!” Raphi Mezrachayev HealtH report A sweet old lady telephoned Lincoln Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” “I can help,” the nurse replied. “What’s the name and room number?” The old lady said in her weak voice, “Norma Vandalay, Room 302.” “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse,” the operator replied. A few moments later, the nurse returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be dis- charged on Tuesday.” “Thank you,” the old lady said. “That’s wonderful! I was so worried! Gd bless you!” “You’re more than welcome,” the nurse replied. “Is Norma a friend of yours?” “No,” the lady said. “Oh so she’s a relative,” the nurse concluded “No, not really,” the old lady answered. “Well if she’s not a friend or a relative, then why are you so concerned about her condition?” the nurse inquired. “Because I am Norma Vandalay in 302 and no one tells me any- thing!” Itzik Zeituoni lamaZe Class Sitting in the room were a num- ber of couples taking Lamaze classes in preparation for the birth of their first child. The instructor asked each husband to stand up, introduce himself and state his occupation. The first man to speak up was a banker, who was followed by a lawyer and then by a psycholo- gist. Jerry was beginning to feel intimidated. He worked for General Electric as a factory worker. When his turn finally arrived, he rose to his feet and said, “Hi! I’m Jerry.” Looking down at his expectant wife, he quipped, “I work at GE, and I bring good things to life!” Jack V. Grazi Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223

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