Community Magazine March 2009

70 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dear Sito, My friend smokes. He is unhappy with his habit, but he feels unable to stop on his own and has always hoped his wife would make him stop. Now he is engaged and his fiancé doesn’t care. What can I do to help? Signed, Stuck Smoking Dear Stuck Smoking, What a kind person you are to be concerned about your friend’s health! It is indeed very difficult to watch people we care about do things that can harm their bodies. Yet, what I have learned is that as much as we want something for someone, we can’t help make it happen unless they really want it for themselves. It may be that your friend’s claim that his wife would make him stop was always just an excuse to delay something he really didn’t want to do. His fiancé, whether she cares about his smoking or not, has only a small chance of making him give up a habit, even a dangerous one. Love is a powerful thing, but in the long term it cannot make a person change against his will. These challenges notwithstanding, there may be some things you can do to help influence him to give up this harmful habit. Many people who are resigned to take certain risks for themselves are not comfortable exposing their loved ones to these very same risks. You may be able to change your friend’s mindset by giving him information on the harmful effects secondhand smoke could have on his future wife and children. But even if he is convinced, this alone may not be enough. When a person desires to give up a habit, they often procrastinate because they are afraid they will fail or they simply don’t know how to go about it. Without being too intrusive, you can also give him some written material on proven ways to quit smoking like the patch, gum or even hypnosis, telling him, “These are for when you are ready.” Even if you don’t see immediate results, you will have given him a powerful message that he is important to you, and hopefully this will encourage him to build a healthy lifestyle so that he can enjoy his future wife and, be’ezrat Hashem, children with good health until 120. Best Regards, Sito Dear Sito, What can be done to lower the music at weddings, engagements, bar missvahs and berit milahs? I’m not sure whether it bothers anyone else or only me, but the sound levels are loud enough to cause hearing damage – even to those who are not on the dance floor. It is also harmful to our voices, as we have to yell just to carry on a conversation with the person right next to us. Maybe we can establish written rules on the maximum decibel level allowed. One way or another, something has to be done. Signed, Sore Eardrums Dear Sore Eardrums, How right you are! The older I get, the more uncomfortable the loud music is for me, as well, and I also go home with laryngitis from trying to yell above the noise. Yet, when I was younger, I actually enjoyed the deep vibrations and energy that loud music brought to a party. Anyone who has been similarly energized by these sounds can attest that the volume of the music certainly contributes to setting the mood. From this perspective, it would seem to be up to each host or hostess to decide who their party will cater to – the dancers or the conversationalists. But in order to help hosts make that decision, consider sharing this information: exposure to noise levels above 80 decibels, even for a short period of time, can cause long-term harm to a person’s hearing. To give you a sense of decibel levels, typical speech is usually measured at 65 decibels, while a leaf blower or rock concert are measured at 115 decibels, a level that can harm your hearing after only 15 minutes of exposure. With this kind of danger, DJs should ideally try to achieve the lowest volume which will still produce the desired effect for dancers. We can protect ourselves by having our conversations in the hallway, directing speakers away from tables or sitting far away from the speakers, and, don’t laugh, inserting a pair of ear plugs when we get on the dance floor. May our community celebrate many happy occasions together safely and joyfully. Best Regards, Sito Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask S ito YOUCANASK SITO! Send your queries, questions &requests for the wisdom of Sito. MAIL: Community Magazine 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 EMAIL: sito@communitym.com FAX: 718-504-4246