Community Magazine March 2009

108 cOmmUNITY maGaZINE Lighter SIDE THE FINANCIAL GENIUS Joe: Could you believe that Obama actually figured out how to solve the financial crisis in his first month in office? Jim: Really?! How? Joe: He’s going to make each of his cabinet nominees actually pay their taxes. Ike Schweky A TRUE FAN Billy and Joey were sitting on a bus passing by Yankee Stadium. Billy: Joey, look–there is a ball flying out of Yankee Stadium. It’s probably A-Rod’s homerun. He’s awesome! Joey [listening to the ball game on the radio]: Actually Billy, that was A-Rod’s throw to first... Netanel Weber COSTLY SPIN Edna: Did I tell you about my son? He went to Las Vegas last week in a $50,000 car and returned a few days later in a $100,000 vehicle. Beatrice: He won that much money? He must really know how to gamble. Edba: Well, not really. He drove there in our new Jaguar but had to come back in a Greyhound bus…” Chanch E. LooLoo ALPHABETICAL Upon completing her math les- son, the teacher handed out a word problem practice sheet. The bonus question asked the students to fill-in a space for six letters from the following clue: A billfold or pouch which holds your money. Little Nathan wrote: AY R U M T Moish THE SEARCH A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother that the lens was no- where to be found. Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand. “How did you find it, Mom?” the teenager asked. “We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” A. N. DESPERATE FOR DISMISSAL Aman chosen for jury duty very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of, but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench. “Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said, ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty!’ So, Your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury.” The judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are looking for – a good judge of character.” “But Your Honor,” the man protested, “how can you say that?!” “Because,” the judge said, “that man is the defendant’s lawyer!” Joey Gemal DELIVERY SERVICE After my friend landed a coveted job from DHL, we went out to lunch to celebrate. At the restaurant he was contacted by the company’s human resources department with an urgent request to complete and send back some forms. “No prob- lem,” he said, “I’ll Fedex them right over!” Abe Cohen REELECTIONS Saul: Do you know why politi- cians try so hard to get reelect- ed? David: Because they want to implement their great ideas? Saul: No. Because they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they passed. Jack V. Grazi SMALL TALK Sam: Wise prophet, do you think Gd has time to hear my request? Prophet: For Gd, a million years is like a minute. Sam: Does Gd have enough money to give me? Prophet: For Gd, a million dol- lars is like a penny. Sam: Can Gd give me a ‘penny’? Prophet: Yes, in a ‘minute’. Soly Z. Bawabeh ILL-FATED SLACKER A new CEO was determined to Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223