Community Magazine Februafy 2009

The T op 10 Jewish Laws & Sephardic Customs of Honoring family OPTION TO FOREGO A CHILD’S RESPECT 1 A parent has the option to forego the honor due to him by a child. For instance, he may tell the child that it is not necessary to stand when he enters a room or give him permission to sit in his seat, in which case the child is exempt from the given area of respect. A parent may not, however, allow the child to cause him embarrassment or physical pain. NOT OBEYING A COMMAND 2 THAT VIOLATES THE TORAH A child may not obey a parent if he is told to do anything that entails a Torah violation or that will prevent him from learning Torah or observing misvot. Even in such a case, however, the child must speak to his parents with respect and reverence, despite the fact that he may not obey their request. DISOBEYING A PARENT FOR THEIR WELFARE 3 A child should disobey a parent’s request if this is in the parent’s best interest. Thus, for example, a child may withhold candy from his diabetic parent, even if the parent requests candy. Similarly, the Gemara tells of a person who forced his father to perform rigorous labor to help his father avoid conscription HONORING A DECEASED PARENT 4 The misva of honoring one’s parents applies even after the parent has passed away. This includes: Reciting Kaddish for the first year. • Learning and fulfilling misvot in their merit. • Mentioning their name in a respectful manner. • HONOR IN THOUGHTS 5 A child is required to view his parents as honorable and respected people, even if they are not in the eyes of others. This aspect is a main part of the misva. Honoring Other Family Members GRANDPARENTS 6 One must honor his grandparents, regardless of whether his parents are still alive. The following guidelines apply to the respect one must afford to grandparents: Standing when they enter a room. • Speaking to them with honor and respect. • Not addressing a grandparent by his or her name, unless he • refers to them as “Grandpa so-and-so” and the like. Giving them a respectful seat and inviting them to recite kid- • dush when they visit for a Shabbat or holiday meal. Fulfilling their requests, though precedence is given to parents • over grandparents. In the Syrian community it is customary is to kiss the hand of • one’s grandparents. It is also customary to stand for one’s grandfather when he • goes for an aliyah to the Torah. Visiting periodically, especially if one’s grandparents live • alone or are not well. OLDER SIBLINGS 7 Although this is not commonly known or practiced, one is required to give honor to his older brothers and sisters. One does not have to stand fully when they enter a room, but • 50 Community magazine