Community Magazine Februafy 2009

110 Community magazine Lighter SIDE THE tHe eneMy During World War II, a Sergeant was giving his bat- talion a pep talk. “Out there,” he said, “is your enemy. He has made your life miserable, he is working to destroy you, and he has been trying to kill you every day throughout this war.” Suddenly, a soldier shrieked, “You mean our cook has gone over to the Germans?” Abhu Cohen food serViCe Upon entering a local burger joint, Jason ordered a burger with a tomatoes and “minimal lettuce.” The woman behind the counter apologetically replied, “Sorry, but we only have ice- berg lettuce.” Ed Gindi tiMeless Queries Why is there an expiration ? date on sour cream? Why do croutons come in ? airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with? Do Lipton Tea employees ? take coffee breaks? Can vegetarians eat animal ? crackers? When cheese gets its picture ? taken, what does it say? Do people who spend $3.00 ? apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive? I thought about how moth- ? ers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? Shella Yaich Just tHe riGHt Gift Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they dis- cussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. Milton described the big house he built for her, while Marvin told of the Mercedes and per- sonal driver he sent her. Melvin smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys novels, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown par- rot that can recite books from 50 different authors. It took 12 years to teach him at a cost of over $100,000 a year, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name an author or title and the parrot will recite it.” Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: Dear Milton, The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Love, Mom Dear Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driv- er is so boring! Love, Mom Dearest Melvin, You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious. Love, Mom Chanch E. LooLoo toMato CrasH Two tomatoes were crossing the street when suddenly a car came and smashed one tomato. The other tomato turned around and said, “Come on, ketchup!” David Yaich inner HarMony My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. A. N. sMoke siGnals During little Jimmy’s preschool field trip to the fire station, a firefighter gave the children a fire presentation. Holding up a smoke detector, he asked the class, “Does anyone know what this is?” Little Jimmy’s hand shot up and he replied, “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!” David Sitt GrassHopper on tHe roCks Sam walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender asked, “What can I get you?” “What do you recommend?” Sam asked. The bartender thought for a moment and suggested the grasshopper drink. Sam agreed and liked it so much that he ordered another. As he was walking home from the bar, Sam saw a grasshop- per and asked him, ”Hey, did you know that there is a drink named after you?” “Really?” The grasshopper said in disbelief. “There is a drink named Irving?” Joe & Co. Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223