Community Magazine January 2009

96 Community magazine Lighter SIDE THE a fatHer’s BlessinG Rachel is expecting Jacob, the boy she had been dating, to come and ask for her hand in marriage later that evening. She informs her father of this devel- opment and begs him, “Please, Dad, please – don’t do what you did last time... a simple ‘You have my blessing’ is suf- ficient. Falling to your knees, grabbing his hand and scream- ing, ‘Oh thank you! Thank you! You are my savior!’ is not appropriate.” Charlotte Elyas tHe matcH Broker A matchmaker goes to see a poor man and says, “I want to arrange a match for your son.” The poor man replies, “I never interfere in my son’s life.” The matchmaker responds, “But the girl is Baron Rothschild’s daughter.” “Ah, in that case...” Next, the matchmaker approach- es Baron Rothschild. “I have a husband for your daughter.” “But my daughter is too young to marry.” “But this young man is vice president of the World Bank.” “Ah, in that case...” Finally, the matchmaker goes to see the president of the World Bank. “I have a young man to recom- mend to you as a vice presi- dent.” “But I already have more vice presidents than I need.” “But this young man is Baron Rothschild’s son-in-law.” “Ah, in that case....” Fifi and Ike Cohen Jack vs. Jill A man will pay $2 for a $1 1. item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need. A woman worries about 2. the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who 3. makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man you 4. must understand him a lot and praise him a little. To be happy with a woman you must praise her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Any married man should 5. forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. A woman marries a man 6. expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does. A woman has the last word 7. in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. There only are two times 8. when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage. Chanch E. LooLoo overHeard in williamsBurG... Yankel: Since Obama won, we’re packing up and leaving America. Yitzi: Where will you move to? Yankel: Where else…Monsey. David E. Sitt Before it starts A man comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the radio, and says to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.” She looks quite puzzled, but loyally brings her husband the beer. As soon as he finishes drinking, he says, “Quick, bring me another beer, it’s gonna start.” This time, the wife gives her husband an angry look, but yet a moment later returns with a second beer. When the second beer is gone, he again says, “Quick, another beer before it starts.” “That’s it!” the wife bellows. “What is this? After being out all day, you come in, don’t even say hello to me and expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron for you all day long?” The husband sighed. “Oh no, it started.” Jack V. Grazi a real present The minute I walked into the beauty salon, the manicurist noticed the new earrings my husband had given me. “Those must be real diamonds,” she said. “Yes,” I replied. “How could you tell?” “Because,’” she explained, “no one buys fake diamonds that small.” Abhu Cohen Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations.Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223