Community Magazine January 2009

Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask S ito Dear Seat Saver, Buffet style parties, which have become traditional in our community, invariably have more people than chairs. This allows the host to expand the guest list without requiring a huge hall, but it also requires that guests exercise common courtesy regarding available space at tables. In contrast to a seated affair, where name cards designate table or seat assignments, at a buffet style affair guests are not supposed to have their own seat for the duration of the party. When there are 350 guests but only 200 chairs, those chairs will obviously need to have some turnover. That means that for the most part, chairs can’t be “reserved,” by tilting them in or otherwise. Guests with a plate in hand should not be told that seats are being reserved for someone who may or may not return sometime within the next 40 minutes. In the case you described, the guests who sat in the seats which were tilted were probably justified. If the hosts had intended for your friends to have reserved seats which no one else could use, they would have put name cards for them. At a crowded buffet it takes at least 10-20 minutes to fill up a plate, so while it may be tempting to “reserve” a seat before visiting the buffet, it’s certainly not proper to deny that seat to other guests who would likely be finished eating anyway by the time you were ready to sit. There are some limited exceptions to this rule. If a husband or wife leaves their seat for a short period, it is acceptable for the spousewho remained to informguests that their husband/wifewill be returning shortly to the seat next to them. Of course, common sense and courtesy should always be exercised to determine what circumstances really justify denying a seat to another guest who has a plate of food and nowhere else to sit. Even in situations where it would seem that one should save a seat out of respect, such as for a parent, it may not be proper to turn other guests away. For example, once when my son wanted to save a seat for his father, instead of trying to prevent other guests from sitting in the seat next to him, he simply got up himself when my husband arrived with his plate, to allow him to sit. Unfortunately, you may find others who don’t follow this advice and continue to reserve seats while other guests stand there with plate in hand. Whatever you do, don’t let a conflict over a chair escalate into an argument. The last thing we need is an episode of “buffet rage” at a community affair. Remember, you’re not there to get a free meal; you’re there to help the host celebrate a happy occasion. So next time, instead of tilting chairs, welcome other guests to sit at your table and be gracious to your new neighbors. Who knows, you may end up making some new friends... and getting invited to more parties. Best Regards, Sito 62 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE