Community Magazine January 2009

60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dear Sito, I’m supposed to be getting married this June to the most wonderful guy. The problem is, my father just closed his business and now has to figure out how to pay our monthly bills before even thinking about the costs of a wedding. My fiancée’s family are nice people, thank Gd, but they don’t have the money to throw a wedding anytime soon, either. Between the money my fiancée and I have saved up from working, we barely have enough for a decent florist. What should we do? I never expected a fancy wedding, but I would be so embarrassed (for my family, mostly) if we had to make a very meager wedding. The only alternatives I could think of are postponing our plans until the money situation improves or getting married out of town. What do you think? Signed, A Broke Bride Dear Broke Bride, You are one of the luckiest people in the world to have found a nice boy from a nice family, whom you obviously care for very much and who wants to marry you. Many are not so fortunate. So put any thoughts of delaying your wedding out of your mind. Getting married will change your life forever. It would be silly to allow the details of a three-hour party influence such a decision. Of course, you will still need to take whatever practical steps are possible to preserve the pride of your families and there is much that can be done in this regard, short of having your wedding out of town. You’re certainly not the first person to be faced with this situation and unfortunately, with the economy not showing any signs of improvement, you’re likely to be far from the last. Here are some tips to consider: Insist that your fiancée not buy you a diamond engagement ring. A cubic zirconium looks just as good (often even better) to anyone who is checking out your finger and costs a tiny fraction of price. Similarly, other jewelry can be sterling silver instead of gold. Between now and June (which is too long to wait for the wedding, but that’s another subject), when you go out with your fiancée, avoid costly dates. Go out for coffee, a stroll by the water, visit a museum, etc. Get in touch with a bridal gemah (charity or free loan fund). Your rabbi can put you in touch with an appropriate organization. The gemah not only can help you find a gown to use, but also has a wealth of information and experience in putting together beautiful weddings on extremely limited budgets. Many even go beyond the wedding, helping with other pre- and post-wedding expenses. Finally, don’t worry that you won’t have a “fancy” wedding. In my experience, I have heard much more ridicule of the excesses of extravagant weddings than praise (the criticism is even worse when the host is believed to have spent more than he can afford). Focus instead on how lucky you are to have found your Mr. Right and concentrate on making your marriage successful. Best Regards, Sito Dear Sito, At a recent wedding, I sat at a table to eat and wished for two of my friends to sit near me. The seats were empty at the time, but my friends had not yet visited the buffet. I decided to reserve two seats for them because often it is difficult to find a place to sit at large buffet weddings. So I tilted the chair into the table which is a recognized sign th t those seats are taken. Nevertheless, a minute or two later, two people came by and calmly put the chairs upright and sat down to eat. When I informed them politely that those seats were reserved, they said that they would not take long to eat and would be getting up to dance soon. I found this to be an inadequate answer, since my friends could have returned at any moment to find their seats taken. What gave them the right to unreserved these seats which were clearly being held for someone else? Perhaps you can clarify the proper etiquette for respecting a reserved seat at a wedding or party. Signed, Seat Saver continued... Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask S ito YOUCAN ASK SITO! Send your queries, questions and requests for the wisdom of Sito. MAIL: Community Magazine 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 EMAIL: sito@communitym.com FAX: 718-504-4246