Community Magazine November 2008

70 Community magazine fortable telling them what they owe me. Is there any way that I can be a good neighbor and still protect myself from being taken advantage of? Signed, All Borrowed Out Dear Borrowed Out , Very often our good deeds appear to backfire when it seems that others are taking advantage of us. When it comes to borrowing and not returning items or returning incorrect quantities, the issue is even more serious, as it may involve the laws of gezel (stealing) or ribit (paying or accepting interest). Consult your Rabbi to get a better understanding of the issues involved and how to steer clear of running afoul of halacha . On a personal level, if you are truly feeling taken advan- tage of, then it is probably because you don’t see your- self benefitting from the arrangement. Perhaps you are overly reluctant to borrow items yourself, or maybe you’re overlooking favors your neighbor does for you – favors which she feels even the score between the two of you in exchange for what she is “borrowing”. Whatever the case, if you can manage to reconcile in your mind or adjust in real terms the give-and-take to establish some sort of equity between what your neighbor takes from you and what she gives, you won’t be tempted to lie or feel taken advantage of every time she comes to borrow something. Instead, you will be able to perform the kindness with a sincere and open heart. If, however, you find that in spite of your best efforts, you can’t find a way to justify all the ingredients being borrowed from you, you still don’t need to resort to lying or stopping your admirable hesed . You may just want to manage the process differently. One idea is to get a small notebook or dry-erase board to hang on a kitchen cabinet or your refrigerator. When a neighbor comes in to borrow something, make sure to write it down while they are there and clearly declare to them, “I am writing it down so we both don’t forget and to avoid any issues of gezel or ribit .” If and when they come back for another item before the first one is returned, your list will be there to “remind” them of what is outstanding. Of course, if you truly think you may need the item soon, you can say, “I may need this for a recipe, so please return it by Wednesday,” or, “I can’t spare this now unless I can be assured of getting it replaced by tomorrow.” Most people want to do the right thing and when alerted to the fact that their forgetfulness may be causing oth- ers distress, they are likely to become more vigilant and responsible. All the best, Jidoh m