COMMUNITY MAGAZINE May 2008

Lighter SIDE THE HOW INSURANCE WORKS After an old house owned by Hillary Clinton in her native Arkansas burned down, she called the insurance company. “I had the house insured for $500, 000. Send me a check right away,” Hillary told her agent. “Hold on just a minute,” the agent replied, “Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. You see, we calculate the true value of what was lost or dam- aged and pay you only what it was actually worth. For example, if it was old, broken or in bad shape, the amount you will get from us would be much less.” There was a long pause. “If that’s the case,” Hillary finally said, “then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.” Jack V. Grazi BEST DOG ON THE BLOCK A couple of neighbors who both owned dogs were arguing about whose dog is smarter. “My dog is so smart” said the first owner, “that every morn- ing he waits for the paper boy to come around. He tips the kid exactly a dime and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning cof- fee!” “I know all that,” said the sec- ond owner, “but I’m not really impressed.” “Oh really,” the first owner asked curiously, “How do you know?” The second owner replied, “Because my dog told me.” Abhu Cohen THE GOOD SAMARITAN A man and his wife are awak- ened at 3 o’clock in the morn- ing by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband. “It is 3 o’clock in the morning.” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife “‘Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No. I did not. It is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!” “Come on Eddie,” the wife says, “can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself!” Feeling guilty, the man gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello? Are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes! Please!” comes the reply from the darkness. “Well where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here,” answers the drunk, “on the swing!” Tutu Mulu HOLY BURIAL GROUND! On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree on the edge of the cemetery. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts that had fallen just outside the cemetery fence and sat down out of sight in a nearby hol- lowed out tree, to divide the nuts between them. “One for you, one for me; One for you, one for me…” one of the boys repeated as he separated the pecans into two piles. As he counted, a couple of the nuts dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard echoed from the hol- low tree, “One for you, one for me; one for you, one for me…” Wasting no time, the boy jumped back on his bike and rode off in a panic. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, riddles or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. send us your jokes! email: jokes@community m .com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223