april color-page124

104 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE The Shaatra Files C an you still smell the food in your grandmother’s house? It always tasted better because it was made with love. As kids, going to grandma’s was a real treat. What favorite recipe did your grand- ma make that you can’t seem to “get” to this day? Now that we’re running our own homes, and may even be grandmas ourselves, how have we changed and what has stayed the same? Do we still “fit” the definition of shaatra – or have we evolved a new definition? Some of our readers felt that having a healthy sense of self was key to being shaatra. It’s hard not to compare yourself to your grandmother or other seemingly ‘more perfect’ women. But we don’t know what goes on behind other people’s closed doors and besides, everyone also has a dif- ferent definition of “perfect.” A SHAATRA SENSE It would have been interesting to know my sitoh as a young girl, and what she went through coming to this country when she met my grandfather. She raised the kids on her own, while Grandpa traveled and sold. Did anyone even have time to think of the issues we worry about today? They just got up and did what they had to do. But life is different from how it was 50 years ago. While it can be helpful to think about what your grandmother would have done in certain situations, if you are con- stantly second-guessing yourself, you’ll be bogged down by decision-making, which could leave you spending inordinate amounts of time on simple questions like: what to make for dinner? SHAATRA FOOD Every grandmother had her freezer filled. Jidoh drove grandma every Tuesday to Waldbaum’s and the same butcher for many years. Food was a part of her iden- tity. Today, we’re out of the house more, and we are busy with other things. I can’t hold a candle to my grandmother, but it’s okay to rely on convenience items... like ready- made mazza (just don’t tell anyone)! HUSBAND In the old country, men did all the shop- ping and earned the livelihood. Women stayed home, cooked, cleaned, and took care of the children. With many more women working and going back to school, tasks are allocated in a different manner. It’s okay to get your husband and kids involved with running the house. Many women refuse to ask for help because nobody can clean and cook in exactly the same way. They like to pick every fruit and vegetable themselves. Maybe it’s true that no one can do every job like you can, but learn to use your superior talents where they’re most critical and accept the need to delegate the rest. By using your time more efficiently, more will get done. One shaatra mother explains how she encouraged her husband to get comfort- able taking care of the baby from day one...years later, when there were issues with school, her husband wanted to be right there beside her. KIDS While we often associate shaatra with mothers, women without children demon- strate their shaatra qualities in many ways, like holding together family harmony or taking a lead in hesed . It is also the sense of shaatra that enables us to cope with dif- ficult situations. One woman without kids (who BE”H will be blessed with children soon) said: “I always used to feel like ‘the odd man out’ when attending occasions or even at holidays, but sometimes, it’s the shaatra in us that gets us through yet another rough moment.” THE LAST WORD In our careers, activities and day-to-day living, we’ve come a long way. However, our values are still the same. The shaatra doctor, shaatra baker and shaatra candlestick maker still put family first and we have not veered from our goal of having a warm and happy home. In terms of new experiences and challenges, who knows what the next generation will bring? But one thing is for certain, while our lifestyles may change, our beliefs and values will still be the same as they have been for generations. (shõ•trä) n . An outstanding homemaker [Arabic] File #179: Shaatra? What’s That? Send your tips for the next edition: HOUSEHOLDMUSTHAVES email: shaatra@community m .com fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Pkwy Brooklyn, NY 11223 READERS TIPS: g My reminder on how to run a shaa- tra home, is to constantly prioritize. What’s important? That there are never dirty dishes in the sink, or that my teenager needs to talk to me? g I sometimes buy rolled yebra or skinned chicken, because to me, time is money. I calculate the cost of buying something prepared against the time it will take me to make it. If I have the time, great, but I’m not going to kill myself for not doing everything from scratch. g To me, shaatra means I can use all the short cuts. My family enjoys a one-bowl brownie mix as much as a fancy concoction ‘from scratch’. It’s the time we spend together having fun that’s important! BY: LINDA FRANCO