Community Magazine August 2006

 ”  68 Community Magazine Dear Jidoh, I’m a community boy learn- ing in an Ashkenazi yeshiva in Israel. Unfortunately being Sephardic in Israel is not good. How do I deal with remarks and insults I get because I am Sephardic. I was always proud of my heritage, now I have to deal with a society that is doing everything to hide what they are. What do I do? Signed, Discriminated Dear Discriminated, Unfortunately the cultural divide in Israel is palpable, as you have experienced first hand. This separation can be traced back to the creation of the State, as the secu- lar Eastern European Jews, who were the architects of the new government, sought to methodically assimilate Jews from Middle Eastern and Oriental lands. The goal was to make the new Sephardic immigrants, whose traditional Jewish customs seemed outdated to their “modern” irreligious counterparts, more like they were – secular, and patrioti- cally Israeli. As the Middle Eastern Jews were manipu- lated in various ways, they were also kept out of the ruling elite, which continues to under-represent the Sephardic population, even today. Although this discrimination also trickled somewhat into the Torah world, more recent- ly, Sepharadim have been regaining stature, albeit slowly, throughout Israeli society. In the meantime, it would be counter- productive to get all worked up about the general problem since there is not much you can do about it. As you pointed out, in America and other parts of the world, Sepharadim are justifiably proud of their heritage and command great stature among their Ashkenazic brothers. This feeling is perhaps nowhere more pro- nounced, than in the Sephardic communities of New York and New Jersey, where the Sephardic community is both respected and admired. As someone who comes from this environment and has taken personal pride in your heritage, you are in a unique position to influence your own immediate surround- ings to help counteract the discrimination you feel. You can start by setting a positive exam- ple, by means of always conducting yourself respectfully – especially in the face of child- ish insults and the like. Second, it would be useful to become an expert on the rich heritage you represent, so that you can educate those around you about the regal tradition of Sephardic Jewry. As you probably know, not only can we trace our roots to the Kings, Princes and Priests of Israel, but throughout the years, we have pro- duced some of the greatest Torah minds. You may want to refer to Rabbi David Sutton’s book, Aleppo, City of Scholars, published by Artscroll, as an excellent resource. Finally, you should make sure to keep your sense of humor. This can serve to dis- arm those who would challenge you and also keep you from getting too worked up. I once saw a Sepharadi student point out the words “Talmud Bavli” on his Gemara when some- one tried to tease him! If in spite of your efforts, you find that you are unable to cope with your surround- ings, you may want to consider relocating. Speak to Sephardic boys from other Yeshivot to find out whether they have encountered discrimination and talk to your Rabbi about how you feel. Ultimately, your primary objective must be to make the most of your opportunity to learn in the Holy Land. May you find much success in your learning. All the Best, Dear Jidoh, My six year-old daughter has become very good friends with another girl in her class. The girl seems very nice and sweet, but am I troubled by the friendship because I know her mother since I was young and I remember her to be obnoxious, catty and materialistic. In light of this, would I be correct in limiting my daughter’s contact with this girl? Signed, Scarred Dear Scarred, It is definitely important to be aware of your child’s social interactions and to look out for improper influences and the like. In the situation you describe, it is not clear whether your misgivings are justified. If the friend seems nice and sweet perhaps she is indeed so, after all she also inherited her father’s genes and perhaps her mother out- grew at least some of her youthful traits by the time she had her own child. To determine whether this is the case, it might be a good idea to invite the friend to your own home for a play-date and observe discretely how the interaction between the two of them unfolds. Try it with just your daughter and that one friend, and then again with a third or fourth friend so that you can observe the group setting as well. If the friend exhibits traits that warrant concern, you should certainly take action to limit your daughter’s association with her. However, if the girl is caring and sincere, then you should not allow your hang-ups to prevent your daughter from forging a positive rela- tionship. Perhaps most importantly, you must bear in mind that as your child grows up, your personal influence in her social interactions will diminish. You will not be able to shield her forever. Her ability to deal with and fend off negative influences will largely be based on the values that you instill in her during these formative years. So concentrate on building up her confidence and self esteem as the best foundation for her future. All the Best, Ask Send your queries, questions and requests for the wisdom of Jidoh to: Mail: Community Magazine 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 Fax: 718-504-4246 email: jidoh@communitym.com