Community Magazine December 2003

68 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE s xc MEXICAN SMUGGLER Juan comes up to the border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that, get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?” “Sand,” says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and dis- covers again that the bags con- tain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicy- cle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard finds out he’s retired. After tracking him down, he meets Juan in a cantina in Mexico. “Hey, Juan,” says the guard, “I know you were smuggling something all those years. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about...I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what was it?” Juan sips his beer and answers, “Bicycles.” Quack DOCTORS ORDERS I was at the supermarket, when a strange man approached me and started talking to me. Realizing that he was not men- tally sound, I ignored him— but he didn’t stop following me. As he continued to speak to me and I continued to ignore him, he became frus- trated and said “Excuse me but my psychiatrist said I should talk to people!” Elie Ftiha, MD, FACP DRINKING LAWS In the old days, ‘shrab il loz’, an almond drink served at engagement parties, was made at home in a terrifically painstaking process. There was however, one Brooklyn grocer, Shaul,* that was known to have a side business making this ‘homemade’ brew. Once, an SY immigrant woman went for her citizenship test. The judge, addressing the woman with her final verbal test questions asked “Madam, Are you Mrs. Jemilieh Halabiyeh*?” “Yes Sir” “Are you ready to become a US citizen ?” “Yes sir Mr. Judge,” she answered proudly. “Did you study the questions you were given?” “Yes sir Mr. Judge.” “Okay, let me ask you one last question: In the United States of America who makes the laws?” “Er, Mr. Judge can you one more time say the question please?” “Yes ma’am, in the United States of America who makes the laws?” Totally bewildered and begin- ning to perspire heavily, Jemileh wiped her forehead with the lace handkerchief she carried for the occasion. “Who makes the Loz?” she repeated. “Yes ma’am,” the judge restat- ed impatiently “Who makes the Laws?” “Of course,” she says, “Everybody know dat - Mister Shaul make the Loz!” * Names changed Meir Erani An alarm clock is something that wakes up people who do not have kids. Morris Grazi Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, riddles or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. SEND US YOUR JOKES ! email :cm@communitym.com fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway , Brooklyn, NY 11223 THE SIDE SAY WHAT? Morton: “Hey Herman, I just got this new state of the art hearing aid. I can hear from three blocks away.” Herman: “Really? What kind is it?” Morton: “It’s 2:30pm.” Daniel Shasho