Community Magazine October 2003

54 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dear Jidoh, Soon after we began dating, I knew I found my Mr. Right. In so many ways, I just know that he is the one for me. We have a great rapport and a deep friendship. Religiously, socially, and on every other level, I feel we share the values to build a wonderful family. The problem is that we’ve been dating for over a year and he just won’t or can’t pop the question. I’ve tried so, so many times to discuss the sub- ject – he lovingly assures me of how much I mean to him but just won’t commit him- self to announcing an engagement, let alone talk about wedding plans. My par- ents have “sat him down” on numerous occasions. He is very respectful to them, and somehow has always managed to get past their “third degree”. But lately things are different. They have been putting tremendous pressure on me to end the rela- tionship. I’m sure they mean the best for me but they just don’t understand my feel- ings. Each time they bring up the subject I just burst into tears and stop speaking to them for a week. Now I’m afraid they are going to throw my boyfriend out on his ear the next time he comes around to pick me up. Jidoh, I’m an emotional wreck – one side of me says I’m crazy to lose him, the other says that my parents are right. What do I do? S IGNED : S TILL S INGLE S ARAH Dear Sarah, From the number of letters in my mail- bag on this very subject, I am sad to say that the “commitment” problem among young men of our community has reached epidemic proportions. Life is quite compli- cated, and deciding who he will marry is perhaps the most important decision a man will ever have to make. Yet, as we all know, a fellow cannot truly fulfill his mis- sion in life without getting married. It is an important positive commandment of our Torah that is also the key to many other mitzvot. Your frustration and emotional pain are quite understandable in light of what you have told me. This is not to say that your situation is hopeless – quite the contrary. If as you say, you truly feel that this is Mr. Right, then perhaps you can do something to help before breaking up as a last resort. My suggestion is to try to get your friend some counseling. This may sound extreme, but your situation is not to be taken lightly. Perhaps you have a Rabbi that you both feel close to. Simply pick up the phone and discuss openly what you have told me – your sincerity will help the Rabbi be a more effective counselor for your boyfriend. If you are embarrassed or feel uneasy about calling his personal Rabbi, then I suggest you seek out one of the young, dynamic Rabbis of the Community who are quite active and involved in matchmaking and matters of the heart. There is nothing to be ashamed of, you have everything to gain by helping your Mr. Right deal with whatever emo- tional barriers are preventing him from taking the next step in your relationship. One word of caution, you must not let things drag on for too long – if you see progress, then stay with it only for as long as it feels right. I cannot say how long that should be. You must be completely honest with yourself and not be afraid to move on with your life. With the help of Hashem you will find your way through this trying time, and soon be zoche (able to merit) to build a Bayit Nee’man B’yisrael (trusted home among the Jewish nation). A LL THE B EST , J IDOH Dear Jidoh, Thanks so much for clarifying the ori- gin of the terms “Itchy” and “Jay Dub”. I’m not a native of the community (I mar- ried into it) and those terms had befuddled me ever since. Perhaps you can further enlighten us on the terms “Sketch” “Skootch” “Kamop” as well as other ven- erable S.Y. slang that everyone seems to s ” xc Ask Jidoh