Community Magazine October 2003

48 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE s ” xc GRACIOUS GOAT A man walks into Shul with a goat. The Rabbi immediately goes over to the gentleman and demands that he remove the goat from the Shul. “Wait a minute, Rabbi, you don’t under- stand; this is my special goat, Mendel.” The rabbi replies, “I don’t care, you can not have a goat in Shul. Please remove the goat immediately.” Rather than continue to argue with the rabbi, the man looks at the goat and says, “Mendel, go get a tal- lit.” The goat promptly walks to the back of the Shul, picks up a tallit, puts it on, and walks back to his master. The Rabbi is amazed and asks if the goat can do anything else. The man says, “Sure. Mendel go get a siddur.” Mendel promptly goes to the back of the Shul and gets a sid- dur. The Rabbi is stupefied, “Can he do more?” The man replies, “Can he do more?! Watch this. Mendel, say the Ten Commandments.” The goat promptly recites all Ten Commandments in order. The Rabbi is flabbergasted. “You know, you could make a fortune with that goat”! “You’re telling me,” replies the man. “I tried…but all he wants to do is sit and learn”! William Schubin MALEVOLENT MILLIONAIRE According to Forbes maga- zine, Arafat’s holdings are about $300 million… I guess he does have a nickel for every time someone called him a ter- rorist. Isaac Sutton PRESCHOOLER PROTEST I was once putting my kid to bed, and he was telling me about some of the kids that got into trouble in school that day—including him- self. He said that the teacher put him into time out, and said that the next time he has to be put in time out, he’ll have to go to the principal’s office. “But you’re only four years old” I said “You’re too little to have to go to the principal’s office!” He jumped out of bed, stood up tall and proud and said “No, I’m not.” Rachel Pattashnick PLANE POLITICS Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and George Bush were on a plane. Osama said, “I will throw a one hundred dollar bill off this plane and make someone happy.” Not to be outdone, Saddam said, “I’ll throw two one hundred dollar bills off this plane and make two people happy.” Bush said, “I’ll throw the two of YOU off this plane and make the whole world happy!” Dina Cameo KNIT A LITTLE BIT A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his win- dow, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO,” the woman yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!” Soly Z Bawabeh OUT TO LUNCH Three construction workers sitting on a scaffold begin to open their lunches. The first one pulls out a plate of pasta and complains that his wife has been making him the same pasta dish for the last two years. The second one grumbles that his wife always ignores his requests to prepare something other than the same cheese sandwich she makes for him every day. As the last guy opens his lunch, his face turns red with anger. The two coworkers ask him what’s the matter. “Peanut butter and jelly again? I hate peanut butter and jelly.” he gripes. “So your wife doesn’t listen to you either?” the first man asks. “What do you mean?” the man replies “I make my own lunches.” Marc Gemal Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, riddles or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. SEND US YOUR JOKES ! email :cm@communitym.com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway , Brooklyn, NY 11223 THE SIDE MATH MANNERS What’s 5Q + 5Q? 10Q You’re welcome Daniel Shasho