Community Magazine September 2003

Dear Jidoh, I can’t believe I’m actually writing this letter, but here goes. I’m 27 years old and can safely say that I’ve gone out with over 70 S.Y. girls. Yes, they’re all wonderful girls from nice families, yada, yada, yada—but noth- ing ever clicks. Sometimes I go out five or six times and then, nothing. I just can’t figure out what’s wrong. I know it’s not me, I have a great personality, money, friends, a sharp car and my own business with a good future, but nothing ever hits me and I’m starting to feel like a… S IGNED - H AZEET C ASE Dear Bachelor, Young man, nothing is going to HIT you, until you look yourself in mirror and smack yourself in the head to knock some sense into it. Let’s start from the beginning – you’re not a Hazeet case, but you’re starting to sound like one—“I know it’s not ME…I have this, I have that”. First, let’s talk about you, you gave me a good inventory about what you HAVE but you haven’t told me about what you ARE. Are you respectful? Are you considerate? Are you growing spiritually and emotional- ly? Are you open about these things and about your feelings? Are you projecting any of this to the other side? Are you inter- ested in what the other party has to say? I’m sure you are all these good things, but it sounds to me like you are focusing on the wrong things about yourself. You need to be honest with yourself, and once you do an honest assessment of yourself, of your true values, of what needs improvement and what you need to accomplish, you will have a better sense of what qualities in a wife will complement and supplement your own qualities and enable you to achieve your mission in life. Most importantly, you will project a more honest, complete, and valued image to the other side – and you will become aware of the other person’s qualities in a similar vein. You’ll be pleasantly surprised that conversations will have more depth and sincerity and no longer be superficial and meaningless. Sooner or later the “right one” will come along and—B’ezrat Hashem, it will feel “right”. Inshulla we’ll see you a Hattan very soon! Y OURS T RULY , J IDOH Dear Jidoh In the last few years, since I graduated a community High School and began attend- ing a Yeshiva I have become friendly with a number of very nice Ashkenazeem. Every once in a while one of them asks me why we S.Y.’s call them “Itchies” or “Jay Dubs”. Some of them feel it’s an insult, others don’t seem to care, but I’m puzzled. I never meant them any harm by using those terms, but almost everyone I know has used them for as long as I can remember. S IGNED - J ACKIE Dear Jackie, When Jews from all over the world came to America and settled on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, it was the first time that many of them met Jews from other lands and cultures. Dealing with English as a new language was hard enough, and sometimes English was the only way these Jews could converse with each other—making it quite difficult for them to relate with their coun- terparts. Our people didn’t know Yiddish and the Ashkenazim never heard Arabic. Soon though, they started to work it out and as they interacted in business and daily life, things loosened up a bit. Both groups had pet names for each other; they called us “Yaka-bee-bees” and we called them “Vous- Vous”—but we were all “Yids” (Jews) To each other, they referred to us as “Sefardish” ( the Ashkenazim usually add an “ish” to describe something, for exam- ple “Hassidish”, “Yeshivish”) And we referred to them as “Iddish” which was how those early Syrians said “Yiddish”. Sometimes the Syrians add the suffix “shee” to a descriptive word, so “Yiddish” became “Yidshee” and “Yidshee” became “Idshee” and “Idshee” became “Itchy”. As for the term “Jay Dub”, it was coined by the generation after the early immigrants who spoke English as their first language. While use of the Arabic lan- guage among our parents and grandparents declined, the S.Y.’s still loved to have their own little code when speaking to each other, especially in the early retail stores. Pretty soon, using initials became accept- ed as an easy way to get the message across. So, for example if Abie wasn’t get- ting the customer to buy something, Sammy would T.O. (take over), if Joe did- n’t like the merchandise he’d tell Saulie it was N.G. (no good), the non-Jewish neigh- bor on the block was I.T. (Italian) and the Ashkenazic one next door was “Jay Dub” which was short for saying J.W. which stands for Jewish. So Jackie, please assure your Itchy friends that they should not consider the term “Jay Dub” an insult as long as you continue to proudly call yourself an S.Y. Y.T.J (Y OURS T RULY , J IDOH ) 60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE s xc Ask Jidoh Send your queries, questions and requests for the wisdom of Jidoh to: Mail: Community Magazine, 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Fax: 718-504-4246 email: ljidoh@communitym.com