Community Magazine September 2003

56 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE s xc A NATURAL BLIND A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, “Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?” The man says back to the blind man, “Look buddy, I’m blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound pro- fessional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, “Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.” Ruth Levy CANNIBAL FAMILY Two cannibals were having lunch. One cannibal says to the other cannibal, “I hate my mother-in-law.” The other cannibal says, “So just eat the salad.” Morris Grazi STRANGE ANATOMY What Has 3 Feet and no toes? A yardstick! Michael Hazan HOLY HORSES A non-observant Jewish man went to the races for the first time. Not knowing a thing about horse racing, he went to the paddock to take a look at the horses. There, he saw a rabbi reciting something in Hebrew with his hand over the horse. Assuming that the rabbi was giving a blessing to that horse, he wrote down the num- ber and placed a $2 bet. Sure enough, the horse finished first, and the man won $20. He went down to the paddock again, and again the rabbi was recit- ing Hebrew words in front of another horse. He wrote down the number, bet his $20, and again, the horse won, earning him $100. This went on, race after race, until the Jewish man had won $5,000. Just before the last race, he watched the rabbi recite a Hebrew incanta- tion with yet another horse. He wrote the number and bet the whole $5000, but this time the horse came in dead last. Bewildered, he ran down to catch up with the rabbi and confronted him “Every horse you blessed won their race— except the last one—he came in dead last, and as a result I lost $5000! The rabbi replied, “That’s the problem with you non-observant Jews...you don’t know the difference between a bracha (blessing) and kaddish (prayer for the dead). Jeremy Ross A TOWEL TALE An angry mother calls up her son’s sleep away camp yelling at the head counselor, “My son came home without his towel, how could you be so irrespon- sible to allow that to happen.” After the mother calmed down, the head counselor asked the mother what the towel looked like. She answered “It’s a big white towel with an “H” in the middle.” Vera Levy DUMB COP Her first day on the job, a police officer spotted a car speeding on the highway. Without wasting a second, she pulled the car over, walked up to the window and asked for the driver’s license. The driv- er searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the policewoman “What does a driver’s license look like?” Irritated, the cop said “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!” The driver anxiously searched her purse again and found a small rec- tangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, “Aha! This must be my driver’s license.” So she handed it to the police- woman. The cop took the mir- ror and looked at it briefly. Shaking her head and looking annoyed she handed it back to the driver and said, “You’re free to go now—and if I had known you were a police offi- cer also, we could have avoid- ed all this hassle.” Soly Z Bawabeh Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, riddles or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. SEND US YOUR JOKES ! email :cm@communitym.com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway , Brooklyn, NY 11223 THE SIDE FINALLY! A compelling enough reason to upgrade.