Community Magazine July - August 2003

60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE s ” xc TROUBLE WITH SCHOOL Two very young Yeshiva boys attending pre-school were giv- ing their teachers problems. The teachers tried everything to get them to behave, time- outs, notes home, shortened recess, but nothing seemed to work. Finally the boys were sent to the Rabbi’s office. The first boy went in and sat in the chair in front of the Rabbi’s desk. The Rabbi asked “Do you know where G-d is?” The little boy trembled, but said nothing. The Rabbi leaned across the desk and asked again “Do you know where G-d is?” The boy bolted out of the chair, rushed past his waiting friend and ran all the way home. He got into bed and pulled the covers over his head. His friend followed him home. He came into the bed- room and asked, “What hap- pened in there?” The boy replied, “G-d is missing and they think we did it!” Linda Chakkalo BAR SPEAK A Rabbi, a Priest and an Ayatollah walk into a bar. So the bar tender asks them “What is this, a joke or some- thing?” Michael Hazan AUTO FARSE A Christian and a Jew lived next door to each other. One day, the Christian guy came home with a new Lincoln. Not to be outdone, the next day the Jewish guy bought a Lexus. That afternoon, the Jewish guy notices his neighbor sprinkling water on the Lexus. “What are you doing?” he asked. The Christian guy replied, “I’m baptizing your new car.” The next day the Christian guy saw the Jewish guy sawing off the front bumper of the Lincoln. “What are you doing?” the Christian guy asked. The Jewish guy replied, “You were so nice to baptize my new car, I decided it would be a good deed to circumcise yours.” Lewis Zetooney THE SPECIALIST I am a nephrologist (kidney specialist) at a local hospital in the hemodialysis unit which is located on same floor and opposite the labor room. One day a young man coming out of the labor room looked at me and requested that I see his wife immediately. Me: Did your wife give birth? Him: Yes doctor. Me: What did she have? Him: A girl. Me: I am sorry, I am in charge of women who give birth to boys only. Elie Ftiha, MD, FACP CITY SLIQUOR A New Yorker and a Texan get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are com- pletely demolished but amaz- ingly neither was hurt. When they crawl out of the wreck the New Yorker remarks in amazement, “Just look at the cars, completely demolished, but we unhurt. This must be sign from above.” The Texan agrees. The New Yorker con- tinues “Look at this, another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine here did not break, the Lord obviously wants us to celebrate with a drink.” The Texan agrees and takes a few gulps and hands the bottle back to the New Yorker. But the New Yorker declines. The Texan asks, “Aren’t you hav- ing any?” The New Yorker replies “No, I think I’ll wait for the police to come first.” Issy Flo Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, riddles or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. send us your jokes ! email :cm@communitym.com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway , Brooklyn, NY 11223 THE SIDE A surefire way to beat that next ticket... “But officer, I did come to a complete sotp!”