Community Magazine June 2003

even in our Orthodox Jewish communities. “There are numerous reasons why there are eating disorder problems today,” he writes, “Number One, we live in a pressured soci- ety. Pressure to succeed. Pressure to outdo. Pressure to be at the top.” It’s true that a large source of the pressure loaded on a child, adolescent, or young adult that succumbs to eating disorders can come from their parents. It’s not uncommon for parents to feel that their daughter would have an easier time finding a mate if they were thinner. A desire to escape the feeling of ‘not being good enough,’ can drive a teenager into the extremes of an eating disorder. Although parents might criticize out of love, they truly want the best for their chil- dren, they don’t know that their comments are counterproductive. Any girl that proj- ects a healthy, self-confident attitude will be more attractive and popular than the thinner girl that is never happy with herself. “The child’s independence and own indi- viduality are at stake... Is that child not able to do what he wants because the parents have a predetermined road set for them?” Rabbi Goldwasser continues, “Another factor which contributes to eating disorders is sibling rivalry. We can all be guilty of favoring one child over another. Our fore- father Yaakov gave Yosef a multi-colored shirt, which his brothers did not get, and look what happened because of it! We are not any better than Yaakov. No matter how ideal you and I are as parents — and we know that we are — we may make a few mistakes here and there... What happens when [a] young lady, because she came in Miriam’s [an older sibling] footsteps, can’t measure up? That’s a pressure that is extremely crushing and devastating for the next child in line... These children then begin to devel op and work on a way to be recognized, without even realizing it. They begin by gaining control over their body. They begin to gain control by starving themselves, or eating, to show that they can do something over which no one else has control... They begin to gain control over the way their body looks...” Abigail H. Natenshon, MA LCSW has been a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in the treatment of eating disordered individuals. She warns par- ents, “Kids learn from what they see and hear. Parents are potent teachers to their children, whether they choose to be or not. When kids mimic their most powerful role models and go on diets, they damage their metabolisms and are at greater risk for eating disorders and obesity in their adult years.” Adopting a laissez-faire atti- tude, though, is NOT the answer. “Young women seek meaning for their existence. Without the guidance of parents, superfi- cial values focusing on thinness and exter- nal appearance will invariably fill this gap- ing vacuum. Kids needs parental input and guidance into their teen and young adult years in order to sustain good values in the face of adverse societal pressure. Where there is a void, menacing outside influ- ences of peers or the media will take on a greater significance in the child’s life.” She continues, “Eating dysfunction and body image concerns are responsible for creating some of the most devastating forms of unhappiness. Parents can help keep kids happy by preventing eating disor- ders through promoting mental health, pro- viding positive role modeling and healthy foods, and making themselves available to their child to impart healthy values and atti- tudes towards body and eating. Parents who offer their child the gifts of self-esteem and self-respect can virtually immunize their child against the onset of these diseases.” IYAR 5763 MAY 2003 33 s ” xc CM