Community Magazine May 2003

A TAXING BUSINESS The owner of a small kosher deli was being audited by the IRS. “Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner complained, “I work very hard, everyone in my family helps out and the place is open for sit-down or take-out everyday except Shabbat and Holidays. Is it so hard to believe that I make an $80,000 income?” “It’s not your income that bothers us,” the agent said, “It’s these business deduc- tions. You listed six trips to Israel for you and your wife on your return.” “Oh, that,” the owner said, “I forgot to tell you – we also deliver.” Yosef Sutton RESTAURANT ETIQUETTE A man and a woman on a date were enjoying a chicken din- ner together at a restaurant. When the man left the table for a few minutes, the woman swept all of her chicken bones into her date’s plate. When the man returned, the restau- rant staff had begun to clear the dishes from the table. Seeing the pile of bones in the man’s plate, the waiter com- mented, “Sir, you must have had some appetite, I see you really enjoyed your chicken.” The man casually pointed to the girl and answered, “Yeah, but at least I didn’t eat the bones!” Evelyn Ackman ANIMAL FUN Q. Which animal shouldn’t you play with? A. cheetah. Ezra Dayan POISON CONTROL A successful watermelon farmer was continually trou- bled by some local kids who would sneak into his water- melon patch at night and eat the watermelons. One day he came up with a clever idea to solve the problem. He posted a sign in the field that read: “Warning, one of the water- melons in this field has been injected with POISON.” The next morning the farmer inspected the field and was very pleased to see that no watermelons were missing. But as he got to the end of the field, his smile turned to a frown when he noticed a sec- ond sign next to the one that he put up which read: “Now there are two.” Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. send us your jokes ! email :cm@communitym.com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 1616 Ocean Pkwy Ave M , Brooklyn, NY 11223 Move over Jesse Ventura The Great Sasuke, a 33-year-old wrestler was elected to the Morioka district Assembly in Japan last month. He vowed to continue wearing his mask while fulfilling his duties as a member of the assembly. Could've been worse-at least he's not a sumo. STILL DON’T GET IT? Q. How do you make a dimwit laugh on Saturday? A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday. Sharon Harary IDE