Community Magazine March 2003

MARITAL SECRETS A guy got married and asked his wife one big request. Please never open this drawer. She was surprised at the request and very curious, but she consented. The years went on and she really wanted to know what was in the drawer, but she never breached her faith and she never opened it. One day after many years, the drawer opened by mistake when she was cleaning. She couldn’t help but notice, $35,000 in cash and six eggs. When her husband returned from work she apologized that she accidentally noticed what was in the drawer. She said, “The cash I understand, it’s great to have a savings, but the eggs, what were they there for?” He said “I guess I’ll have to tell you. Every time you angered me I went into the kitchen and I took an egg and I put in the drawer.” She was so touched. “You mean you were only upset with me six times during our mar- riage?” He gently replied, “No, every time it was a dozen, I sold them, that’s where I got the $35,000!!” Rabbi Maimon Elbaz CRIMINAL MISCHIEF Once there were two robbers that were jumping from roof to roof, going in each house and stealing things. When they came to a big space and they couldn’t jump, the first robber said “I have a good idea, I’ll shine my flashlight across and you walk across the light!” So robber #2 says “You think I’m stupid? You’re going to shut it off in the mid- dle when I’m walking!” Rivkah Mizrachi SPECIAL REQUEST There was a man once who went to the United Airlines Ticket counter and asked to buy a ticket to Los Angeles but he wanted his luggage to go to Miami. The lady at the counter told him that she was very sorry but she could not do that. He said, “why not, you did it last time!” Raymond Levy NO PETS ALLOWED Bubba has a Bull Dog and Pedro has a Poodle. Bubba: “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” Pedro: “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” Bubba: “Just follow my lead.” They walk over to the restau- rant, Bubba puts on a pair of dark glasses, and walks in. Restaurant manager: “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” Bubba: “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.” Manager: “A Bull Dog?” Bubba: “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.” Manager: “Alright come on in.” Pedro figures, he’ll give it a shot too so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Manager: “Sorry buddy, no pets allowed.” Pedro: “You don’t under- stand. This is my seeing-eye dog.” Manager: “A Poodle?” Pedro: “What? You mean they gave me a Poodle?” Raymond Safdeye 78 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. SEND US YOUR JOKES ! email :cm@communitym.com • fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 406 Ave M , Brooklyn, NY 11230 WHERE’S BIN LADEN? A game for kids and the CIA SIMILARITIES Q: What do a street punk and Macy’s have in common? A: Their pants are both 50% off! Yitzchak Sutton THE SIDE