Community Magazine February 2003

THE DEDICATED WIDOW Sometime after Steven died, his widow, Diane, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. “Steven thought of every- thing,” she told them. “Just before he died, Steven called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. ‘Diane,’ he told me, ‘I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace’.” “What was in the envelopes?” her friends asked. “The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I bought a beauti- ful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Steven is resting very comfortably. “The second envelope con- tained $10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral.’ I arranged Steven a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending.” “And the third envelope?” asked her friends. “The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone.’ Holding her hand in the air, Diane said, “So, do you like my stone?” showing off her five carat diamond ring. Richie Gindi WEDDING PLANS Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Of course we do.” Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?” Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheuma- tism?” Pharmacist: “Definitely” Jacob: “Medicine for memory?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.” Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?” Pharmacist: “Absolutely.” Jacob: “Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts.” Jeremy Ross HOTEL ROOM HOOPLA A hotel clerk receives a call from a businessman that just checked in to his room. Businessman: “There is a dead ant in my room, I'm going to need to switch to a different room” Clerk: “You don't need to change rooms for that sir I could send housekeeping to clean it up.” Businessman: “No that wouldn't do. I absolutely will not stay in this room.” Clerk: “That seems a bit extreme, I don't think you have to switch rooms just because of a dead ant?” Businessman: “You don't? Well then you should see how many of his friends came to the funeral.” Avraham E. Schweky 28 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Can YOU crack us up? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes or observations. The top picks will appear in the next issue with the name of the contributor. SEND US YOUR JOKES ! email :cm@communitym.com fax: 718-504-4246 mail: 406 Ave M , Brooklyn, NY 11230 Rush hour in the Iraqi mass-transit system IT’S A MOM THING Q. Why do mothers like won ton soup? A. Because backwards it spells their famous line NOT NOW. Abraham Safdeye